Burying Talents

I did it! I finally did it!

Let me preface this with the fact that whenever I get in front of a group of people (unless it is immediate family only) to do something by myself (whether it be piano or singing or speaking), I am sick for the entire day before. Physically ill. In the bathroom. When the performance begins, I only have about 30 seconds before the jitters set in. I jitter so badly, I have to guess where my fingers will hit the next note (and sometimes I guess wrong since I can't replicate the conditions when I practice at home) or my knees feel like they are about to jitter away from by body entirely.

So, when the Christmas Musical Fireside I organized seemed to be low on musical numbers and I had written a number of (unsuccessful) pleading emails inviting others to perform, I gulped and signed myself up for a solo (and also got a quartet together). I enjoy singing in groups. I have had a lot of people tell me I have a beautiful voice. But I grew up in my mother's shadow.

She has always been rather proud of her voice. If she sings in a choir, you can hear her well. If she sings in a congregation, you can pick her out. She has a beautiful voice.

I never got praise for singing from her. I distinctly remember coming home for Christmas break one year. I had been in a section of University Chorale that semester. I was practicing for our family Christmas program and singing along with one of the Hymns. Mom came in and said, "Your singing has greatly improved since you left." That was the solitary compliment I ever got from her.

My sudden burst of confidence came from a sweet older lady who recently informed me that I had almost been asked to perform a solo for a funeral, and that the other person who was considered (and asked) is someone who teaches voice lessons. If said voice teacher had been able to come, I most certainly would not have attempted to sing.

So I practiced, but mostly when the SM wasn't around because even HE made me nervous (he was in Men's Chorus for several years and has a great voice). The Dude and the RC really enjoyed it, and even asked for encore performances.

So I did it. I stretched my comfort zone. And I didn't fall over. And I didn't screech. And I didn't lose my place.

So I'm glad I did it.

I don't know if I'll do it again.